A CHEMICAL attack which has seen as many as 70 innocent civilians perish, has triggered a series of targeted ‘no, it’s actually someone else’s fault’ attacks, which have been launched in an attempt to nullify any attempt to pin the rightful blame on the responsible parties.
“I hear it’s 83 dead now actually, but, that’s beside the point, I think the focus should put on who we want to blame for this, and it certainly won’t be us,” a Russian official explained to WWN earlier today.
As all sides involved in the Syrian civil war mobilised their vast network of narrative definers, excuse formulators and subject changing engineers, Russia continued to maintain that the airstrikes they definitely didn’t fire in the Idlib province in northern Syria actually hit a chemical deposit belonging to rebels.
“Obama, Hillary, liberal media, not my fault,” balked President Trump in a series of tweets, keen to play the blame game and offer no path toward ending the death of innocent men, women and children.
Informed that the time for simply blaming people for things and not offering any solutions was long over, Trump countered with an ingenious solution to the conflict which again involved saying the phrase ‘Obama’s fault’ a number of times.
“If we play this right, we can use this as leverage in our calls for countries to meet NATO spending goals and on our negotiations on leaving the EU,” added British PM Theresa May.
“Great effort all round from everyone, this is excellent work and definitely not another disheartening contribution to humanity’s pathetic predilection for imposing suffering on the most vulnerable people imaginable, as others just shrug their shoulders. Bravo,” shared one Syrian civilian who spoke with WWN, who had just about enough of this wholesale cowardice five years ago.