EVERYBODY look over here: WWN has received a copy of a receipt for coffees and buns purchased by Donald Trump at a 5th Avenue branch of Starbucks in 2012, and we’re about to spill the details right now.
Until now, the president had refused to release details of his caffeine and cookie intake for 2012, prompting us to wonder what exactly he was hiding. Well, we’ve finally gotten the details.
August 23rd, 2012, Trump received one grande Americano, a Chai tea latte, two big chocolate coins and one of those marshmallows on a stick thing – at a cost to Trump of nearly 20 US dollars. Where did he receive those 20 dollars? We’re not sure, but we’re willing to throw it open to wild speculation ahead of any attempts of journalistic legwork. Readers don’t need details; they need whatever information a news outlet has right this second.
We know that if we did not reveal the details of Trump’s receipt, some other news outlet would have beaten us to it and as journalists, we could not bear to not be first with whatever fragment of a story we have. We have too much respect for the clicks our readers bring us.
What now for Trump? Who knows.
What we do know is that right now, all anyone is talking about is us, and our scoop. We broke the news of Trump’s coffee break in 2012, we’re the literal embodiment of those guys that brought down Nixon. You’re welcome.
Meanwhile, we would urge our readers to not allow the thought that Trump may have leaked his receipt to us in a bid to distract attention away from something else he’s doing at the moment. We assure you, it certainly did not occur to us. We were far too busy bringing you, our readers, coverage of something far more trivial but way, way more clickable.