Man Calls Press Conference To Confirm He Is Over His Ex

“I HAVE CALLED you here today to confirm that despite what people say and what drunken 3am texts I have sent, I’m completely over my ex, Leanne Rafferty”

A series of camera flashes greeted the sensational claims made by a Waterford man late yesterday evening at a hastily assembled press conference.

Ronan Drury, called the press conference just 2 weeks after the sudden end to his relationship of 1 year and wasted little time in stating just how over his ex-girlfriend he is.

“Her smile is shite, that thing she does with her hair when she’s nervous is actually not cute at all – it’s a pain in the hole. It’s pretty obvious that I’m over her lads, nothing to see here, move along” Drury added, trying to hammer home the fact that despite sending out 300 emails to separate media outlets this wasn’t really a big deal.

“This is a big fuss over nothing really, I’m actually embarrassed by the press intrusion. It’s such a non-story. If anything, I’d say I’m too over it, like I’m over-over, if you follow me,” shared the man who spent much of the weekend sending texts to his former partner, pleading with her to give it another go.

Flanked by several close friends, Drury, labeled ‘an awful moany bollocks at times’ by his former partner, then posed for photos, each pose indicating just how well he was taking the break up.

“I don’t miss the bitch,” Drury said, fighting back the tears.

Drury then refused to take any questions from journalists, which meant he would not be addressing allegations that he had demanded the return of all gifts purchased during the course of the relationship and is holding some of Rafferty’s make up and clothes that she had left in his house as ransom.