WWN’s Horoscopes

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aries

21 March – 20 April

You earn 23,667.56 per month working online, but you don’t feel the need to mention it. 

taurus

21 April – 21 May

You go an entire month without watching a single documentary on Netflix. 

gemini

May 21 – June 20

Congratulations on buying a Nintendo Switch! We’ve always wondered what an idiot looks like. 

cancer

June 21 – July 22

“Don’t get drunk on a work night” hmmm that’s just crazy enough to work.

leo

July 23 – August 22

Your hiccups celebrate their 17th birthday.

virgo

August 23 – September 22

Them new people up the way seem weird. Maybe keep an eye on them for the next 3 years to be safe. 

libra

September 23 – October 22

You get shot. Luckily, it’s only a flesh wound.

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You’re making a mess!

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You make microwave popcorn with only 3 unpopped kernels. LEGEND.

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Work: that other guy got the promotion you wanted. Looks like you SUCK. Hate to be the one that breaks it to you. 

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Chips, eh? You’d be in great shape if it wasn’t for the goddamn chips hi. 

pisces

February 19 – March 20

You already know what you’re getting everyone for Xmas 2019.

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