AFTER repeatedly hinting subtly at the fact in casual conversation, men have today come out and told women that ‘the shower is not a sex toy’, WWN can reveal.
Using the shower head as a sex toy was popularised by slutty liberal Hollywood types like the women in Sex and the City, Girls and more recently Ear to the Ground.
Depictions of sexual pleasure derived from pressurised water emitting from a shower head became increasingly popular in America in the early 2000s, but only made its way to Ireland in recent years thanks to the prevalence of electric showers.
“None of them had the required water pressure when I was in my prime,” shared a clearly annoyed 71-year-old Waterford woman, Nelly O’Brien, who feels she missed out on opportunities now afforded to a new generation of Irish women.
“It was all the rage when Cosmopolitan released that 567 tips for rogering yourself with the shower head a few years ago, and then came the 23 Gifs that express our love for alone time with a shower head list on Buzzfeed. I was born in the wrong era,” O’Brien added, livid.
Previously, the non-shower-head-masturbating portion of the population made muted reference to such practices, but now feel the need to just come out and explicitly state it is time to ‘stop it’.
“Look, we’re not jealous, sure haven’t we got the hoover. But come on, cut it out; we know what you’re up to in there,” a joint statement from men, issued earlier today, briefly stated.
Women have yet to respond.