THE Road Safety Authority has confirmed today that as much as 17% of drivers on Irish roads are not driving it on ta fuck, claiming that their lack of speed actually causes accidents as opposed to preventing them.
An analysis of forensic collision investigations conducted by the RSA shows that slow drivers account for twice as many accidents in Ireland than previously thought, and urged such drivers to keep in line with the speed limits.
“If you’re one of those motorists who goes 30kmph under the speed limit, then you could be endangering the lives of the impatient drivers behind you,” said an RSA spokesperson earlier, “either drive it on ta fuck or pull in out of the way until you grow a pair. It’s people like you who infuriate other drivers, forcing them to take their lives into their hands by overtaking on our already treacherous roads”.
The study showed that rural Ireland had the largest proportion of accidents caused by ‘sum cunt who won’t drive her on ta fuck’, with the majority of their vehicles being Tractors, Nissan Micras, Ford Ka’s or just two pricks on bicycles who won’t move into single file because it’s in the stupid law somewhere.
“You know what? fuck these guys,” added the RSA spokesperson, “shunt them off the road if you have to”.