LOCAL man Ciaran Farrell has returned from a year-long backpacking trip around south-east Asia with a newfound awareness of his place in the world, a deep respect for the cultures and customs of others, and a penis that looks like it could honestly fall off at any second.
Farrell, who headed off on a nine-country trek just after completing his college degree, spoke to friends about how amazing it was to fully immerse himself in the ways of the indigenous populations of each region he visited, how his mind was opened to new tastes, sounds and sensations that he encountered along the way, and how his dalliances with a never-ending stream of sex workers had left him with so much venereal disease that every trip to the bathroom ‘feels like I’m pissing fingernails’.
With a glowing tan that makes him look far healthier than he currently is, Farrell met some of his old friends for his first pint soon after arriving home to Tramore, and regaled them of tales of his experiences, his new outlook on life, and how his penis now resembles a bin bag in a butcher’s shop.
“I walked along a beach in Thailand just as the sun was rising in the morning… I was the only person for miles and the serenity is something I will never forget,” said Farrell, scratching at the tip of his cock through his jeans.
“Just the night before I had sat on the sands with a group of musicians, poets, writers, from all around the world. It’s that kind of experience that has really changed me as a human being, I just… I just learned so much. It was a true awakening. Then I had a five-way with three girls and a ladyboy for less than the price of a taco chips over here. I felt that for the next month, let me tell you”.
Although his friends were horrified to learn of the state of Farrell’s penis, they were most concerned about the fact that he was wearing a necklace made out of seashells.