Average Irish Dad Spends 88% Of Their Time Cursing At Shit

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A NEW study has found that the average Irish dad spends 88% of their time cursing at shit, with a worrying amount of cases being left unreported by family members.

The study, which closely monitored 1,123 fathers over a six month period, is the first of its kind to be ever carried out by researchers at Trinity College Dublin, but its findings are now being cited as ‘crucial to the nations future upbringing’.

“For years, Irish people have wondered why they’ve been so loose lipped when using curse words,” lead researcher of the study Martin Pringle explains, “we found it was all thanks to dads, with many openly using phrases like ‘fucking bollox’, ‘cunting whore’, ‘shower of bastards’, in front of their young, impressionable children, thus passing on the tirade of verbal abuse into the next generation”.

Worryingly, the study found that dad’s cursed more at family members than they did at inanimate objects, with researchers pinpointing top five incidents that spark the verbal outbursts.

“We found that ‘who left that fucking door open again’ to be the number phrase used by cursing dads,” Mr. Pringle confirmed, “followed closely by ‘where’s the fucking TV remote gone’, in second place, ‘pass the fucking ball you useless cunt’, in third place, ‘I hate that Enda fucking Kenny’, in fourth place and ‘where’s your fucking indicators you cunt’ in fifth”.

Inanimate objects such as computers, washing machines, televisions were found to be also in the firing line, with the average dad spending up to 3 months of the year shouting obscenities at them.

However, the study did not account for the high number of ‘fucking eejits in this country’ Irish dad’s had to put up with on a daily basis, compared to their European counterparts.

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