A COUNTY Waterford doctor has broken all previous records for the number of asthma inhalers prescribed, claiming that 99% of his patients are currently using the device.
Speaking from his surgery in the city centre, Dr. Terry Whelan popped open a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate, stating that his medical colleagues will ‘be sick’ when they hear the news.
“We basically have a bet on every year to see how many people we can flog inhalers to,” the 56-year-old explains, “I have smashed last year’s record and I’m absolutely thrilled to bits. There were only three people I couldn’t convince that they were asthmatic, but sure look; you can’t win them all”.
Dr. Whelan, who has since been renamed ‘Dr. Wheezy’ by his fellow professionals, has prescribed over 567 patients with both the blue and brown inhalers, and has also welcomed the profits.
“Between Ireland charging four times the European norm for inhalers, and the ejits that pay me for a prescription to get them from the pharmacy every couple of months, business hasn’t been better,” he confirmed, “any fucker with a wheeze now gets one, ‘oh, you have a little cough, have you? bam! -inhaler’.
“Half the time it’s not even asthma, but sure what harm could they possibly do, amiright?”
Asthma inhalers can cost a patient up to €30 euro in Ireland per month, while across the border in Newry the same medication costs £6.75 (€7.94), with a recent study by the Archives of Disease in Childhood claiming that most doctors are over diagnosing asthma, where the side effects include growth suppression, dampening down of immune cell activity in the airways and the subsequent heightened risk of respiratory infections.
“Sure, best make hay while the sun shines” Dr. Whelan concluded.