Patriots Achieve Stunning Victory In Who Honestly Gives A Fuck

MILLIONS of people across the world are waking up today to the stunning news that the New England Patriots have been successful in their bid to win the oh Jesus like who even fucking cares, honestly.

Social media feeds and news channels are awash with articles and opinion pieces about the victory over the Atlanta Falcons in last night’s Super Bowl, all seemingly operating under the impression that anyone outside America gives a shit about this kind of thing.

Praise was heaped upon Patriots player Tom Brady, who is a man of some sort, and his amazing ability to mean so much to some people and mean so very little to more or less every other person on the planet.

Although some people have made attempts to get excited about the final scoreline of the game, which featured a great comeback by the Patriots apparently, the overall boring nature of American Football combined with the general dislike for America at the moment has led to record amounts of ‘so fucking what’ this morning.

“Even the Lady Gaga performance was a bit ‘meh'” said one man we interviewed, before leaving it at that and moving on to something more interesting than American Football, such as literally anything else at all.