Man On Diet Takes Massive Dumps Before Weigh-In

IN a bid to make sure that his weekly weigh-in has as impressive a weigh-drop as possible, local dieter Martin Killingham makes sure to strip naked and take the dump of a lifetime before getting on the scales, WWN can reveal.

Waterford native Killingham has battled with his weight for years after discovering just how amazing it is to drink a large quantity of pints and a big feed every two days.

After finally admitting that he needed to do something about his ever-expanding waistline, Killingham traded the donuts in for regular, unsalted nuts, downloaded the ‘couch to 5k’ app and hung up his bottle opener, setting himself a target weight loss for a weekly weigh-in on Friday’s.

But in what is being described as a genius move, Killingham has devised a plan to maximise weight loss right before he steps on the scales, which he shared exclusively with WWN.

“I take the mother and father of all shits,” beamed Killingham after discovering that he lost 3lb this week, believed to be made up mostly of the poop that he had taken moments ago.

“I ‘down trou’ and sit on the jacks until I’m sure I’ve passed as much shite and wee as I can, and only then will I step on the scales. I’m also in my Rick Rude when I weigh myself. Every little helps”.