Man Hooked Up To Alcohol Drip After Completing Dry January

A LOCAL man has been rushed to hospital for an emergency alcohol infusion, after collapsing from the effort of staying off the drink for the entire 31 days of ‘Dry January’.

Michael O’Shanaran, 28, undertook the Dry January challenge after assurances from friends, family and co-workers that he might need to ‘go a bit handy on the drink’ after a festive season drinking session that lasted from late September up to New Year’s Eve.

Through sheer force of will, O’Shanrahan managed to make it through the entire month without a single drink, despite the temptations of grabbing a bottle of some sort of dessert wine that was in the back of the TV cabinet the whole time.

Upon arriving into February, the Dungarvan native collapsed from sheer exertion, not unlike the fabled Greek hero Pheidippides who died after running from Marathon to Athens to announce the defeat of the Persian army.

“Some people just go into Dry January without any sort of training, leading to instances of collapse like we have with Mr. O’Shanrahan,” said a doctor at Waterford General Hospital.

“This is severe drink withdrawal right here. We’re treating him with an IV infusion of vodka and coke, which we may have to increase to pure tequila later today if we’re not happy with the results we’re seeing”.

As news of the incident spread over social media there were calls for the government to implement bans on Dry January, with many stating that the dangerous practice of giving up drink for a month is not something that Irish people should ever attempt.