MOST friendships develop naturally over a period of time, with many people going years without realising that they’ve actually become friends with another human being. With an ever increasing population, there isn’t a better time in human history to make friends with someone, but how does one make friends these days? WWN’s resident psychologist Dr. Vic Burns is on hand to give you four handy tips in acquiring an ally for life:
Donate All Your Wages To Them Every Month
What better way to say ‘be my friend’ than giving them every cent you earn. This technique has long been proven to be the best way to guarantee a long term friendship. People who give away their money to other people on a regular basis are ten times more likely to still be friends after a decade than people who don’t give other people money all the time. I would suggest setting up a standing order every month once your wages go through to your bank. Adding a little note to the wire transfer like ‘hope you enjoy, love XXXX’ is just one of many messages you can send them with the remittance. Change it up every month, show them you really care.
Murder Their Enemies
Everyone has someone in their life they could do without. Find out who your desired friend hates, and then take them out with whatever means necessary. There are countless ways to do this, just make sure you don’t get caught, otherwise you could get jail time and lose that job you have, thus losing that salary you give to your friend every month.
Copy Everything They Do
If your friend gets a new makeover, you get a new makeover, just like them. This strategy is called mirroring, and involves mimicking the other person’s behaviour. When talking to someone, try copying exactly what they’re saying in real time. Mirror everything they do. Check out their Facebook profile, take pictures in similar poses and tag them in it. Add all their friends. Monitor the Facebook ticker to see what they like and share, copy absolutely everything they do. They will love you for it and soon become your best friend, forever.
Tell Them A Secret
Self-disclosure may be one of the best relationship-building techniques. Let them know you’ve been following them for quite some time. Explain to them that you didn’t mean for their dog to die, and that you only wanted it to sleep while you snooped around their house while they were away at work. Put their mind at ease by owning up to the late night phone calls, and tell of how you couldn’t reply when they answered as you were too busy masturbating to the sound of their voice.