21 March – 20 April
You enter a competition on the Liberal.ie to win an iPhone. Fingers crossed!
21 April – 21 May
Dry January is in full effect, at least until you get to the off-licence.
May 21 – June 20
You’ve managed to quit the fags, but now you have to work on quitting being a narky bastard.
June 21 – July 22
Bobby Ewing was in your shower this morning, just not a bother on him. You’re not entirely sure what is going on.
July 23 – August 22
You begin work on your Eurovision entry. This is your year!
August 23 – September 22
You buy a box of Frosties because fuck it, they’re greaaaaaaaaat and you just don’t care anymore.
September 23 – October 22
Your fortunes take a turn for the better this week, when you OK QUICK THEY AREN’T LOOKING SAVE US THERE ARE FOUR OF THEM THEY HAVE GUNS CALL THE COPS
October 23 – November 21
You can keep that tattoo of your ex-girlfriend’s name, as long as you limit your Tinder searches to women named Samantha.
November 22 – December 21
You gotta get that 475 euro out of the Credit Union pal, it’s doing nothing for you there.
December 22 – January 19
You wear a high-vis vest all the time, just to be on the safe side.
January 20 – February 18
CREME EGGS ARE IN THE SHOP!!! This year mightn’t be so bad after all.
February 19 – March 20
This is a long shot, but d’you fancy a pint?