IN what is the first sign that president-elect Donald Trump intends to hurtle every available apparatus of America’s government and intelligence services in the direction of his every whim, the Republican has demanded Congress begin investigating why his tweets do not receive more retweets.
Trump was said to be confused by the fact that his latest tweet about making Mexico pay for a border wall only received 12,000 retweets, despite the president-elect knowing how ingenious such a tweet is.
“Have asked Congress to investigate. Something not right. Some bad eggs out there,” Trump explained in a tweet which followed countless accusations that, with 19 million plus followers, he should be getting more retweets.
The ‘bad eggs’ in his latest tweets could cryptically refer to his political opponents or critics in the media, however, Trump was more than likely referring to Twitter users with egg avatars who are somewhat reluctant to retweet his tweets.
“You follow me, so why don’t you retweet. Doesn’t make sense. Congress + intel services will find out why,” Trump warned as he set changing his low rate of retweets as his top priority upon entering office, above any investigation into Russian interference in the election.
Far from criticising their president, leading Republicans have been quick to row in behind Trump on the issue.
“He is showing the sort of pettiness and paranoia we have seen in some of our most unhinged Republican presidents,” Paul Ryan said in praise of Trump, hinting at the fact a wide scale retweet investigation is a foregone conclusion.
Trump is said to be smarting from an unrelated Facebook profile picture update which did not receive the desired amount of likes.
“I’m a handsome man. This is not fair,” an upset Trump stated below a new picture of himself which only garnered 17,345 likes on the social media site.