IT’S not easy attacking the new year with the sort of dedication and determination required to turn your life around, and that’s where WWN’s guide to taking up a bullshit fitness trend comes in handy.
It’s recommended you step onto the scales and replay all the hurtful things anyone has ever said about you, and if no one has been particularly harsh to you that doesn’t matter – make up more hurtful things you’d imagine they would say behind your back.
Next up is to identify an exercise and fitness regime that is a particularly infuriating portmanteau like Everywherecise, Penisicise or Brieficise.
Spend a shit tonne of money you don’t have on class looking exercise gear.
Now, in order to fully give yourself over to some outlandish concept that will almost certainly not deliver the desired results you want, it is important to believe all the pseudo-scientific and physiological terms used to describe just what this regime will do for your body.
All that’s left is to take up the Everywherecise trend and give it your all. Who knows you could be intensifying your cawagulatronic muscles in no time while diversifying your load bearing nasal hair. Absolutely everywhere is your gym now you’re living the Everywherecise life, even that bald lad’s head over there. Don’t forget the great thing with Everywherecise is that you get to eat whatever you want too!
Go on, a few reps on his shiny dome before base jumping off it should help you shift a few socially conscious guilt retardant, psychological aware pounds.