“I Lost Because Hackers Showed America What A Complete Fucking Lunatic I Am”

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download-1IN WHAT is being hailed as Hillary Clinton’s most honest interview to date, WWN visits the former secretary of state’s home in Chappaqua, New York.

Greeted at the front gates by her husband and former president Bill Clinton, this reporter was immediately patted down by him personally and told to leave my car outside the property.

“Don’t worry pal, you won’t get a ticket here, ” he said, winking, before pressing his brittle index finger against his right nostril and hocking out mucus onto the ground.

As we walked up to the converted farmhouse, Bill pointed to a barn to the side.

“I wrote my book in there,” he pointed out, as if giving an important history lesson, “and that’s not all I get up to in there, if ya know what I mean,” now gyrating his pelvis in and out, mimicking a sex noise.

Mr. Clinton led me into the house, but stopped at the entrance.

“This is as far as I’m allowed go,” he said, with a deep sadness in his eyes.

With that he skipped off towards the barn while I rang the doorbell.

An African American butler by the name of Hos answered and led me into a large living area where a rather frail Hillary Clinton egged me in.

“C’mon now, don’t be shy,” she said, coaxing me over with her wide, pale-blue eyes, “I hope you didn’t leave that Bill in”.

“No,” I replied.

“Good! I don’t have the energy to be chasing him out – some of the staff here are female, and we also have pets, some of them in heat, so you know yourself”

Before I could take out my pen and notepad, the 69-year-old stopped me in my tracks, stating that the interview will be short and sweet, as she just wanted to ‘get a few things off her chest’.

“I lost because hackers showed everyone what a complete lunatic I am,” she spurted out, grimacing with the pain of truth, “They got me real good…. there, I’ve said it!”

Startled by her honesty, I asked her if she really believed the Russians helped Donald Trump win the election.

“It doesn’t matter who hacked our emails. The horrendous content contained in them is still the same. I’m actually a horrible person that instigated several civil wars around the world. I’m also responsible for the loss of countless innocent lives while I was secretary of state.

“We tried to blame the Russians for my losing, but the real truth is I lost because I’m a terrible human being, okay?”

“So what about this anti fake news concept you’ve been lobbying?” I asked.

“Fake news ha-ha, yeah, that was Bill’s idea. We were desperate and a bit sore after losing, so we started blaming everyone but ourselves. Like, all the news you get these days is questionable. It’s all bullshit, even the presidency is a load of bollocks; to think any elected president in the Whitehouse has any control over corporate America is just delusional. Bill learned that quickly; we just wanted to make more money for our foundation and ourselves, is all”.

With that, Hillary stood up abruptly and ushered me to the front door, where a dead bird lay on the doormat.

“Oh, Bill. God loves a trier,” she exclaimed, kicking the carcass away.

“Look, you must go now and tell the world what I just said to you. Tell them from now on I’m just going to tell the truth. We have a presidential race to run in 3 years. Time is of the essence”.

Leaving the Clinton residence, I could not help but wonder if I was just another pawn in a Clinton game. Was she playing me?

I hesitated to write this article, but I took a journalistic oath to report what I see and hear, so here it is, laid bare before your very eyes.

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