WWN Guide To Giving Up Keith Barry

IT SEEMS like everyone these days is trying to cut down on Keith Barry. His addictive personality and charm has conquered thousands of people over the years, leaving many users pining for more high-octane mind hacks, hypnotic escapades and neurolinguistic programming techniques. Just how does one give up such a man? Follow our step-by-step guide:

First off, weaning off Keith Barry will not be easy. Keith Barry is everywhere right now; TV, radio, internet banner adverts, your ham and cheese blaa and even in the very air you breathe. Keith Barry is like the dark matter that holds our universe together, so don’t underestimate him.

Not letting Keith Barry know you’re trying to give him up is key. We would advise to keep attending his shows until you are ready to cut the chord. If Keith Barry even gets a sniff of you quitting, he will do everything in his amazing powers to keep you addicted to him. That’s what Keith Barry does, and does well.

Start by not looking directly into Keith Barry’s eyes. This will take some practice as his eyes are beautiful and made of diamonds. Try looking away every time he says the words ‘amazing’, ‘astounding’ or ‘relax’. Work your way up to every second sentence. Build slowly and don’t ever let him know you’re looking away. Wear polarised sunglasses if you have to. Keith’s brain hacking powers are useless to ultraviolet filters. This will also stop him reading your mind and running one of his virus checks on you. He does that all the time.

Replacement Keith Barry therapy can also work for some people. Try Dynamo, David Blaine, David Copperfield or any lesser known mentalist magicians out there who are not as addictive. We have found the American television show The Mentalist to also work for some people, depending how addicted to Keith Barry you actually are.

Lastly, avoid watching ITV, TV3 and any other subsidiaries. Keith Barry secretly controls these stations, remotely with his mind, including presenter Phillip Schofield – who is just a Keith Barry puppet. You can set a parental lock for these television stations, but whatever you do, don’t store the lock code in an envelope, box or deck of cards, otherwise Keith Barry will immediately know you’ve done this, along with your exact code.

Bottom line, just be strong and believe in yourself that you can do this.

Good luck out there – you’ll need it.