A SET of Waterford parents are today struggling to provide their 5-year-old daughter with a convincing argument for why Santa can’t afford to make and bring her certain toys.
“Oh, now, remember Santa told us he wouldn’t be able to get you the bike, as it’s too fucking expensive,” explained mother Orla Neelon, issuing the final portion of her sentence under her breath.
Despite sending the finalised list to Santa two weeks ago, 5-year-old Ella Neelon continues to expand her list of desired presents. However, the chances of all those requests finding their way under the tree on Christmas day are unlikely as her parents have confirmed they are ‘flat fucking broke’.
“Orla’s family are mad into the Christmas so we have to buy everyone something there, we’re saving for the house while swimming in debt. Dunno if we can afford the rent here if it goes up in the new year. We have that bastarding wedding to go to this weekend. It all adds up, and I’m getting no overtime at work,” father of the family Keith Neelon shared with WWN.
While the financial strains on the couple are significant, they have thus far failed to provide their eldest daughter with a compelling reason for why Santa can’t get her a bike which costs, in Keith’s word ‘€350 for some reason’.
“We’ve gone with the ‘he doesn’t make that one anymore’, but then she has all these clever fucking questions. I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but it’s at times like these I wish I had a thick kid. If she says ‘but why?’ one more time,” a frustrated Orla confessed.
The couple have resorted to staging a fake news report on TV which will detail a massive fire in Lapland, which will tragically burn all bike supplies to the ground.
“Or, we know the neighbour’s kid is getting the same bike, so we could just steal that,” Keith shared, solving the crisis.