73-YEAR-OLD rockstar and Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger has celebrated a new addition to his team of dedicated carers following the birth of his latest progeny, WWN can confirm.
In recent years, many aging rockstars have taken to repopulating the earth in a bid to ensure they have the requisite number of carers required to look after them in their old age.
“Sure, I could hire a few nurses, but have you seen how fucking expensive they are?” Jagger remarked as he looked doe-eyed at the new born who would soon be tasked with bathing, feeding, clothing and changing Jagger’s nappy.
“When I’m on tour and dancing on stage I’m actually operated like a puppet by my carers. The body checked out a few years ago, I can manage one good hip thrust and then I’m knackered,” Jagger explained.
“We play ‘Start Me Up’ as soon as I’m fading, it’s our codeword with the carers to start using the strings to control my limbs,” added Jagger, now just a collection of sagging flesh.
The latest edition brings the number of carers to 8, with the team expected to share duties relating to Jagger’s care during the upcoming 698-date Rolling Stones world tour.