RTE Lockdown As ‘Armed Bosco’ Takes Hostages Over Kids Programming Cuts

RTE studios in Dublin 4 is said to be in a total lockdown this evening after it was revealed that four programming commissioners have been taken hostage by “an armed and dangerous Bosco”.

Gardai from the special response team were called to the station at 4pm this afternoon after reports of gunfire and flash bang grenades were reported at the main entrance to the building, forcing the closure of several major roads in the area.

Detectives confirmed that the children’s television presenter, donned in full body armour and carrying a cache of guns and ammo, stormed Montrose in a hail of bullets, injuring one security guard in the shin, and leaving many people in shock at the site.

“We have issued a full lockdown to be put in place while we negotiate with the hostage taker,” Garda Dermot Tompkins told WWN, “From the CCTV footage we can see that the hostages are alive and well, and held up in the RTE canteen”.

It is understood the perimeter of the canteen and main studio have been wired with explosives, with Bosco warning Gardai not to even attempt approaching the area.

“You wanna play rough, okay!” Bosco was overheard screaming from an open canteen window, holding a gun to one hostage, who eyewitnesses claim was the station’s managing director, Dee Forbes, “You dumb fucks had to go and fucking do it. You had to fuck with children’s programming. Not on my fucking watch, you don’t”.

The incident comes just days after the National broadcaster announced that it will be cutting funding to all children’s television programming in favour of outsourcing the production to independent companies.

Negotiators have already offered Bosco a commissioning job at the station if the hostages are released, to which Bosco refused, shouting: “Typical RTE answer to an RTE problem; just move the fuckers around if you can’t fire them”.