Trump To Directly Negotiate With The Climate To Ensure It Doesn’t Change

REPORTS from New York this weekend gave scientists and climate activists reason to be cheerful after US President-elect Donald Trump stated he intends to negotiate with the Earth’s climate in a bid to stop it from changing.

“We don’t need so-called ‘experts’ in the room, believe me. When it is just me and the climate sitting across from a table, I guarantee you, I will negotiate the best deal. We’ll have the best clouds, just the best,” Trump explained in a brief Facebook video address.

Trump had been a vocal and angry opponent of the peer reviewed and researched phenomenon that is climate change, also known as a ‘fact’.

The Republican was often incensed at Washington’s political elite and their lack of business expertise which would help stave off an adverse change in weather conditions in the years to come.

“None of these Washington guys have business experience, I’m going to bring all the experience, and I’ll negotiate, no one does it better than me, just ask, I’ll tell the climate it can’t take our weather. The days of our weather going to Mexico, India and China are over,” Trump said in a characteristic aside, which seemed to last for 20 minutes and go nowhere in particular.

The scientific community was quick to hold up their hands and admit they had adversely prejudged Trump on the issue of climate change.

“His words are of great relief, for a second we thought we had a colossal idiot who will soon be in charge of environmental policy and funding a large portion of climate change research,” once no longer concerned scientist remarked.