Emmerdale Residents Abandon Cursed Village

AFTER years of unnatural death, tragedy and human anguish, the population of a Yorkshire village have decided to move en masse to a new home, after finally accepting that their home must be located on the site of an ancient burial ground or something.

The residents of Emmerdale were numbed yesterday to learn that yet another tragedy had brought multiple fatalities to their friends and neighbours, after a multi-vehicle pile up on the bypass outside the village claimed at least three lives and injured dozens.

The crash is the 79th such tragedy to strike the close-knit community, and comes on the back of a plane crash, a bus crash, a siege, and a pub that falls down every three years or so.

“We just can’t stay here while we get picked off by the spectre of death one by one,” said Mark Campbell, Emmerdale resident with a terrible secret of his own.

“The place is clearly cursed. We have a 9/11-style tragedy every six months, way higher than the statistical average. The village isn’t just unlucky, it’s clearly cursed”.

As hundreds of residents grabbed what they could and made their way out of the village, many were wiped out by a Sharknado. Who survived? Find out tomorrow.