Brian Cowen Admits To Being Total Fucking Legend In New Autobiography

FORMER Taoiseach and epic session-head Brian Cowen has opened up about being some hoor for the gargle in his upcoming autobiography, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Granted a sneak peak at ‘Offaly Nice – How I Learned To Quit Worrying And Run Out The Clock’, we read several passages in which the former Fianna Fáil leader shrugs off criticisms about his actions during the financial crisis that destroyed the country, and describes how a few pints can be of great benefit to someone who’s in way over his head.

“Did you ever see that movie Flight, where Denzel Washington saves everyone on a plane because he was drunk and only someone drunk and crazy could fly the plane the way it needed to be flown?” asks Cowen in chapter 4, ‘Winging It’.

“That’s how it was when the country was in the shit. You couldn’t be sober, AND be Taoiseach. The two just didn’t go together. You had to have at least a few half-ones in you to even think about heading into the Dáil”.

Cowen goes on to clarify that he wasn’t drunk during his infamous Morning Ireland interview.

“I wasn’t drunk. I was drunk five hours before the interview. There isn’t a word in the English language to properly describe the state I was during that interview. I kept thinking the microphone was a big ham. I tried to eat it, it was gas altogether!”.