THE final pieces of one of Ireland’s great city planning puzzles are almost in place as Dublin’s docklands area grows ever closer to becoming the soulless corporate black hole that it was always meant to be.
A million square foot development, dubbed ‘Dublin Landings’, will help the docklands make the final transition from somewhat bearable area of Dublin city, to outright insufferable.
The development will be home to office space as well as 273 luxury residential apartments, which promise to bring a large concentration of ‘pricks’ and ‘dickheads’ to an area already teeming with similar wildlife.
“We’re not saying it was some sort of paradise, but you know yourself ‘luxury apartments’… they’re never for sound people, are they?” confirmed longtime docklands resident and self-confessed not a knob, Sean Dillon.
Additional construction of pubs, cafes and cultural outlets befitting an area filled with people who have more money than sense are expected to be announced shortly.
“The calibre of tenants expressing interest is quite remarkable, it is a who’s who of people and companies you know you’d instantly hate upon meeting them,” a spokesperson for the property management firm in charge of Dublin Landings confirmed.
Dublin city council confirmed that the dockland’s soulless gravitational pull engulfs anything that is not in keeping with the image of a thoroughly modern, affluent and urbane city before destroying it completely.