Swarm Of Jellyfish Placed In Direct Provision Centre

HUNDREDS of jellyfish that arrived in Ireland over the past few days have been rounded up and brought to direct provision camps around the country, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Landing on our shores in droves, the jellyfish will now spend an undetermined amount of time in privately owned government subsidised camps, while battling miles of red tape in a bid to be released.

“I had no other choice than to come to Ireland, that’s just how the current was flowing,” said one Mauve Jellyfish we spoke to.

“I’m just trying to have a better life, but instead I’m now basically a prisoner; passport seized, curfew… they give us an allowance of 19 euro a week, but we can’t leave the camp to go anywhere. Nowhere to cook, shared showers with everyone else here… Plus, we have no idea the kind of people that we’re forced to live beside. Several of us have been prodded with sticks already”.

In a further poignant turn, many of the jellyfish herded to the direct provision camps are children, with some only a few days old. With the processing time for a direct provision inmate averaging at 10 years, many of these desperate individuals will spend their entire life cycles confined to the dorms and chalets of these camps.

WWN reached out to the management of several camps for comment, but they were too busy funnelling government money through offshore accounts in a bid to dodge tax to get back to us.