Smug Prick Passes Driving Test On First Go

THERE were bitter scenes this morning at a Waterford office after one man arrived to work with the news that he had passed his driving test that morning on his very first go, much to the annoyance of those who had to take their test multiple times before eventually passing it.

Declan O’Malley, 27, was delighted with himself to have passed his test following months of practice, lessons, and being a good driver at all times. O’Malley had studied the rules of the road until he knew them off by heart, and is in general a safe and competent driver; attributes that helped him secure a full driver’s licence after his first attempt.

This did not sit well with many of his co-workers who failed their tests multiple times, for reasons such as ‘the tester was a bollox’, ‘it’s all just a money racket’, and ‘they needed to fail someone to keep their quotas up’.

“Look at him there, Mr. ‘I’m such a safe driver'” said Mark Hanlon, who is sitting his test again next week for the fifth time.

“What, just because he’s so safe on the road and knows how to keep himself and other motorists safe? He was just probably in the right place in the queue. If he’d gotten a different tester, they would have failed him. That’s how it works; they failed me four times, and not just because I kept mounting kerbs and turning without indicating; it’s because the tester was hungover or something like that”.

O’Malley now intends to continue a lifetime of safe motoring, despite his co-workers assurances that he can ‘drive however the fuck he likes’ now that he’s got a full licence.