US Cop Too Upset About Brangelina To Shoot Black People

“Some days you’re in the mood to profile a certain race of people and open fire on them for no particular reason, and other days you just can’t, not with this news.”

These were the words of veteran police officer John Patrick Mahony, who has been working on the mean streets of San Diego for the past 27 years.

The son-of-two said he barely made it to work this morning after hearing the horrific news, and that many of his fellow colleagues are in a similar emotional state.

“We had a 132 taking place at a liquor store out by Balboa Park this morning,” Mahony recalls, still visibly shaken from the news that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt split up, “the first responders said three black males were believed to be fleeing the scene. By the time our unit got there, they had already been arrested unharmed. Not one bullet hole in sight. I think this divorce announcement is affecting everyone here”.

Mahony, who has a string of alleged assault claims against him from members of the black and Hispanic community, added that he would be surprised if anyone was shot today, as a mark of respect to the Jolie-Pitt family.

“A lot of guys in the station rumoured it was probably Brad’s intense work routine that eventually tore the family apart,” said the now sobbing Mahony, “I think as a police officer, we can all relate to those problems. Poor Brad. She just doesn’t understand him. All he wanted was to make a better life for him and his family,” adding, “those adopted foreign kids though, what’s that all about?”