CONFIRMED: Hillary Clinton Died Five Weeks Ago

IT’S OFFICIAL- Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton hasn’t just been hiding a raft of medical ailments from the public throughout her campaign, she has been flat-out dead for the last five weeks.

Conspiracy theories have raged online with people pointing to Clinton’s bizarre behaviour and persistent coughing fits as signs of medical conditions ranging from early-stage Parkinsons to Ebola.

All these theories were refuted by the Clinton camp, until the collapse of the 68-year-old at a 9/11 memorial ceremony at the weekend forced them to come forward and admit that Hillary passed away in August.

“Look, it’s this or Trump,” said one source close to the late Hillary Clinton, “We just propped her up like some sort of cadaver-puppet, and cut a hole in her back so someone could put their hand up behind her head and work her mouth like a puppet. We had the Jim Henson workshop make a few things for us. Her collapse at the weekend, yeah, Mike and Paul were carrying her that day, Mike thought Paul had her, Paul thought Mike had her, and y’know… down she went”.

Despite her decomposing in front of our eyes, Clinton still remains a better choice for president than Republican nominee Donald Trump, but only by default.