Pensioners Storm Offices Of RTÉ Demanding The Return Of Teletext

A GROUP of violent pensioners have stormed RTÉ buildings in Donnybrook demanding that teletext be returned to their televisions immediately.

“My TV keeps asking me do I want to internet things, it scares me, I just want the weather and teletext was good for that,” a disorientated pensioner yelled at no one in particular while storming the reception desk in RTÉ.

Security at the Montrose campus was overrun by an estimated 2,000 strong gathering of Ireland’s most ardent teletext fans, with one guard stabbed in the eyeball by a knitting needle.

“You can’t make me Netflix if I don’t want to, I want teletext, if you give me that then I’ll go,” shared another pensioner, who had strapped explosives to her waist in a bid to show how serious she was about being able to access the Only Kidding section of RTÉ’s aertel service.

A requirement for RTÉ to make better television is not thought to be part of the pensioners demands.

“We do not negotiate with teletext terrorists,” an RTÉ spokesperson confirmed to WWN via a phone call earlier this morning.