Motorists Advised To Add Nine Hours To Journeys To Allow For Back-To-School Traffic

TINNED food, bottled water and spare fuel; just three of the things that motorists have been advised to carry in their cars over the next few weeks, as kids returning to school after their summer holidays look set to add at least 9 hours to your daily commute.

Following the implementation of laws that forbid more than one child per car, thousands of extra vehicles will take to the roads at peak rush hour times, as parents battle to get their children right to the front gate of their schools before stopping in the middle of the road for a tearful farewell and 9 more photos of them in their adorable uniforms.

Commuters whose journeys took just 15 minutes during the summer months will now take the better part of a day, with thousands expected to lose their jobs due to being unable to get through the sea of people-carriers and Range Rovers outside their local primary schools.

“Every time I leave my house in the morning, I wonder if I’ll ever return,” said one man who lives less than a mile away from a busy school.

“July through August, this road is completely clear. September comes, and it looks like a car sales yard. I understand that you couldn’t possibly ask a child to walk 100 yards to the gates of a school, and I appreciate that there are laws in place that prevent people from carpooling their kids to cut down on the amount of cars on the road, but that doesn’t help me when I have to do a 60 mile detour to avoid being stuck in a 9-hour tailback”.

The traffic carnage is expected to last for weeks, and then get worse, and then get even worse again.