Culchie Buys New Trowel For Laying Accent On

A TRIP to the local hardware store has proved useful to one culchie today, as he left with a brand new trowel which will help him to lay his accent on thicker than ever when talking to city-folk.

James Kennelly, 34, isn’t quite sure why he makes his already-thick midlands accent even thicker when talking to people in Dublin, but it’s something that he has always done and has no intention to stop anytime soon.

The purchase of a Marshalltown 14″ duragrip-handled building trowel will ensure that he’s purposefully incomprehensible when talking to ‘townies’, ranging from people he has the odd dealing with, to people he has known for years.

“It’s not always easy to lay on the accent, but this trowel will come in fierce handy,” said Kennelly, in his normal speaking voice.

“Even though I’ve no idea why I do it… it’s a bit like a turtle going into his shell, I suppose. Anytime I’m talking to people in Dublin, I just make sure to give the accent a good thick coating so they haven’t a clue what I’m talking about. I’ve also bought a job-lot of nonsensical sayings to spread throughout the conversation too, just to make sure I’m as unintelligible as a ladder falling down on a hen’s neck”.