John Delaney Reassures John Delaney Everything Will Be Alright

DESPITE sweating from orifices he had no idea he could sweat from, FAI chief executive and OCI member John Delaney has reassured himself that ‘everything will be alright’.

It is thought Delaney was referring to the news that Brazilian authorities are exploring the possibility of trying to extradite him to Brazil for questioning in relation to the OCI ticketing scandal.

In between staring at himself in the mirror and dry retching, Delaney resisted the urge to scream ‘oh God’, instead deciding to look up which countries did not currently have an extradition deal in place with Brazil.

“Everything will be OK John,” Delaney is believed to have said to a 12 foot portrait of himself which hangs in the hallway of his Dublin home.

Seeking reminders of the fact he is the greatest sports administrator the world has ever seen, Delaney dusted off his 12 ‘Greatest John Delaney In The World’ awards, which are given out annually to the best John Delaney in the world as voted for by John Delaney.

“You single handedly ended corruption in FIFA by telling Sepp Blatter to move along, relax, you got this,” Delaney added, while also somehow finding the time to take sole credit for Dundalk’s recent achievements in Europe.