Brave Victims Of Accidental Sharting Speak Out, Hear Their Moving Stories

YOU say it will never happen to you and then it does. If you were to ask friends and family have they ever sharted (the act of going to expel gas from your anus only to find that the force you followed through with leads to you defecating yourself slightly) the answer would of course be ‘no’.

However, the stigma attached to being a ‘sharter’ is slowly being eroded away as more and more people speak out. In an effort to aid discussion on this sensitive discussion WWN has asked a number of people to speak out for the first time about their own experiences of sharting.

“I thought it was a myth, like, there’s no way that could happen. It doesn’t happen to beautiful people like me, only old fat men who have given up on life”

– Barry Hurley, Waterford man and reluctant serial sharter

“My arse had sort of fallen asleep as I sitting there for hours on end, and in all honesty, I was taken by surprise at hearing my name and I thought it would be a sneaky squeak fart at the worst. I think it’s called a ‘fright fart'”

– actress Kate Winslet on the moment she sharted after winning an Oscar.

“I just wanted to fart, that’s all. It’s not too much to ask, is it? A nice gentle, inoffensive fart, the kind they write poems about. But my arse had other plans, I feel betrayed”

– sales manager Paul Bellion, 29, speaking of the time he full on shit himself in front of a client during a presentation.

“I was reaching for a high note, and I really went for it, but it must have dislodged something down below. I thought I was safe to squeeze one out and the music was blaring. Next thing I know, I had to shuffle off stage in my white dress, hoping no one would notice…they did”

– singing sensation and sharter Adele

“I laughed it off as ‘only a fart’ but I’m glad I have the courage to say different now. Back then I just had to sit on my shart and pretend it didn’t happen”

– Gavin Murphy, on sharting 4 minutes into a 7 hour flight to Dubai.