Olympics Factfile: A Pervert’s Guide To The Beach Volleyball

A RUSH of enthusiasm always seems to greet the Olympics when it arrives on our TV screens every four years, with minor sports ascending to the top of the TV ranks as audiences become enthralled.

This is true of the sport of beach volleyball, whose popularity among the reprehensible pervert community has continued to soar Olympic games after Olympic games.

To gain an insight into why perverts are so enamoured by the female iteration of the sport and all the complicated rules that come with it, we sought out the expert advice of one such pervert, Waterford father-of-three, Thomas O’Dooley.

“They have to hit the ball and then they jump up and down and I really like it,” O’Dooley explained, accessing just a fraction of his unparalleled understanding of the sport.

O’Dooley’s attention to detail when it came to the sport was matched only by the desire of the cameras showcasing the event to zoom in and fixate unnecessarily on certain elements of the game.

“She’s very good. Yes! Slow motion replay,” O’Dooley said, now drooling as he reduced the dedication and hard fought determination of one of the world’s leading athletes to a jiggle of ‘lovely bits’.

“Ooh, there’s four of them now,” O’Dooley informed us, hinting at the fact beach volleyball involves two teams of two, battling off against one another to reach the pinnacle of their sporting careers.

“Sand,” the father-of-three ventured while pointing, astutely observing that beach volleyball is indeed played on sand.

“We’ll have to stick this on record for later,” O’Dooley concluded after hearing his wife’s key turning in the front door.