Your Kids Say They’re Off To An S&M Club, But Where Are They Really Going?

IT’S every parent’s worst nightmare… as far as you’re concerned, your teenage son is safely tied to a wall in a hardcore fetish dungeon in town, getting kicked in the balls by a Latvian transvestite, and your daughter is doing Ketamine with four men she met on the internet. But are they? Are they really? Or are these just the things that teenagers tell their parents to pacify them, while they sneak off to do something else entirely? WWN investigates.

“From the day they were born, we more or less let our precious little boys do whatever they wanted,” James Hennegan, a Waterford father of 16-year-old twins told us.

“We found them watching hardcore pornography on their computer when they were nine, and we just left them to it. We didn’t want to hamper their creative minds. They started doing coke at 11 and you can’t really say anything, if all the other kids are doing it. You don’t want your child to be the one child who doesn’t snort class-A drugs from a prostitute’s labia. But lately, our boys have been telling us that they’re going to a local brothel on Friday nights, but they haven’t had to go to the clinic in months. I wish they would just tell us the truth”.

More and more parents are finding that a lifetime of letting their kids do whatever they want has not given them the results they had hoped for, with many of the new generation turning to ever-more extreme forms of sexual experimentation and rampant drug use instead of being normal, well-adjusted members of society.

“Like any parent, I just wanted to be my daughter’s friend first, mother second,” said Connie Molloy, whose 17-year-old daughter said she was going to a rave in the woods but may not have actually gone.

“I never criticised her, or punished her when she was naughty, I bought her everything she asked for and had the charges quashed when she blinded that nightclub toilet attendant with a broken bottle last year. I thought she’d just always be able to talk to me about what she was doing in life, like we were best pals. Instead, fuck knows where she goes at night”.