Taoiseach To Bring New, Larger Begging Bowl To Meeting With Angela Merkel

LEARNING from previous diplomatic faux pas an energized Taoiseach Enda Kenny is bringing a brand new begging bowl to his meeting with German chancellor Angela Merkel this afternoon, as the two leaders are expected to discuss how the fallout from Britain leaving the EU affects Ireland.

“Last time we brought a begging bowl, it was too small and innocuous looking, I’m not even sure Angela saw it, but this new one is massive, ye can’t miss it. It’s got ‘begging bowl’ written on it and everything, wish me luck,” the Taoiseach explained, while holding the bowl up for attending Irish media, ensuring they got a proper look at it.

The bowl, purchased from Dealz at an expense of €1.49 to the taxpayer measures 2 feet in width and could probably be filled with a number of parachute payments they would offset any financial hardship Ireland could incur off the back of not having any ideas on how to best navigate post-Brexit waters.

The Taoiseach confessed to being nervous ahead of the meeting, but felt he had the right strategy to get the best result for the country.

“I think Ireland is a fine country in rude health and it has benefited from Fine Gael in power and I’m simply going to march up in Angela and ask ‘you fix this with money. Please. We scared. Please help, have no ideas. Very scared’. I think she’ll get the message,” the Taoiseach explained enthusiastically.

While it is speculated that Merkel will bat away any attempts by the Irish government to get the EU to solve everything for them, Enda Kenny has confirmed he is not above pitching a fit in the meeting and rolling around on the floor and hitting himself with the bowl until the German leader pays him to stop.