AN OFFICE worker based in Dublin is under the impression people are very interested in the fact he is heading off to Glastonbury this year, WWN has learned.
The 22 employees in Hartnell Consultants have assured WWN that they ‘couldn’t give a shit’, and would prefer if 29-year-old Anthony Higgins could shut up about the musical festival and just get back to work.
“Oh a music festival? In a field, is it? He must be the first fucker to ever do that. Do I care? Do I fuck, he’s been insufferable ever since he grew that beard and he’s only getting worse,” shared Higgins’s boss Mairead Corrless, who wishes she could fire him just for being a prick.
Higgins, who jets off for the once in a lifetime social media updating opportunity this evening, is expected to spend the rest of the day smiling in that incredibly annoying way people who have something to look forward to always do.
“LCD Sound system, Last Shadow Puppets, Tame Impala, Muse,” Higgins said, reading the festival’s line up out loud in the hope someone in the office would engage him in conversation about Glastonbury.
It is believed Higgins will utter the phrase ‘did I mention I’m going to Glastonbury’ another 243 times before the end of business today.