Top 5 Places In Dublin To Get Your Face Slashed
THERE’S so much to do while on a weekend break in Dublin city that it’s easy to forget the little things like how you must try the little donuts from the kiosk on O’Connell Street, you must pose for a picture with the statue of Phil Lynott, and you must get your face slashed for no apparent reason by someone who will never spend a day in jail over the incident.
Not sure where the best face-slashings take place in the city? Here’s 5 of the main sites to get you started on that extra mouth!
1) Temple Bar
In terms of the best that Dublin has to offer, you can’t go wrong with Temple Bar. High volumes of people mixed with huge quantities of alcohol – you won’t have to wait around too long to catch the eye of some fresh-faced local youth who wants to know just what the fuck you think you’re looking at. One punch to the back of the head later, and you’ll be on your way to A&E with more holes in your face than you started the night with.
2) The Quays
Rule of thumb with getting mugged in Dublin; if you can see water, you’re off to a good start. Anywhere along the banks of the Liffey is prime face-slashing territory. Simply stop at any stage in the night to take a photo of the moonlight sparkling on the water, and someone is bound to arrive to relieve you of your phone, your wallet, and a pint or two or your lovely lovely blood.
3) O’Connell Street
How could we miss this? More people get their faces slashed on O’Connell street than anywhere else in the city. It’s like a rite of passage. If you go to Dublin, you can’t leave it without getting in to a drunken disagreement with a 7 stone youth who pounces on you and leaves you with at least 20 stitches. That’d be like going to Paris and not seeing the Eiffel tower! Luckily for people who make a living from face-slashing, O’Connell street is extremely poorly policed, allowing them to take their frustrations with life out on the next person who crosses their path via a series of facial stabbings.
4) Any ATM
Need to withdraw cash in Dublin? You’ll need eyes in the back of your head, if you don’t want a fanny where your cheek is. If you want to know the identity of your face-slasher at a later date, all ATMs are fitted with CCTV to help Gardaí track them, although this is usually too much effort for the under-staffed police service to undertake.
5) Anywhere
That’s the beauty of Dublin; the brochures may be all bodhran drums and people in Aran jumpers sipping perfect pints of Guinness, but there’s plenty out there for people who just want to get mutilated for life. You don’t have to really be anywhere special to get stabbed. Heck, you don’t even have to be doing anything out of the ordinary! Day or night, someone might jump you just because it’s something to do. They get a momentary sense of power, the cops get to shrug their shoulders and say “we’ll see what we can do”, and you get a story to tell for the rest of your life. Slainte!