Andrex Release New Irish Mail On Sunday Toilet Paper

TOILET paper giants Andrex have teamed up with the Irish Mail on Sunday (IMOS) to produce a new product that is perfect for wiping your arse with.

Copies of the Sunday tabloid, which have absolutely no other purpose, will be sliced and formed into rolls of toilet paper. The new batch of bogroll is expected to hit the shelves later this month, to the delight of people who finally have a use for the Irish Mail On Sunday.

Plans to merge the brands began after the IMOS printed an interview with the woman who lost two sons, a husband, her mother and her sister in a drowning tragedy in Buncrana last month.

Posing as a grieving widow, a journalist from the IMOS infiltrated the funeral services for the victims, and held a conversation with the grief-stricken woman. This conversation was then published as “an exclusive interview”, forfeiting any claim to be a newspaper that the Irish Mail On Sunday still had.

With every right-minded man and woman in Ireland agreeing that they should never buy the Irish Mail On Sunday ever again, bosses rushed to find another use for the paper.

“The Irish Mail On Sunday is good for one thing; wiping yourselves after a bowel movement,” said Andrew Cross, chief spokesperson for the merger.

“So we at Andrex have put in an offer for every copy from now on, which we will make into toilet roll. Hard poops, runny poops, Indian food and a feed of Guinness poops… the Irish Mail On Sunday has finally found something that it might be able to do”.