“I Did It For Ireland” – Defends Healy Rae Attacker

KERRY TD Michael Healy Rae is said to be recovering well in hospital after a failed assassination attempt on his life, carried out by a cow gardaí believe was radicalised by Dublin based ‘urban extremists’.

The cow, named locally as New Road Healy Rae, was said to be distressed by how its owner and his TD brother had been taking very vocal stances against Irish Water and distressed property auctions despite going on to win Irish Water contracts and purchasing a property at an auction he vocally opposed.

“They’re playing their voters and the Nation for fools, I didn’t do this for me, I did this for Ireland,” New Road told WWN.

“That sounds like a load of Dublin shite talk,” Danny Healy Rae, Michael’s brother, responded when confronted by WWN about the cow’s allegations, “some city slicker has got into her head, filling it with dreams about the organic milk and cafes up in Dublin. Did you know she was calving at the time? She wasn’t herself at all”.

The cow has strenuously denied being affiliated with any Dublin urban extremist groups such as Fine Gael, but reiterated that she felt she did the right thing.

“His flat cap came flying off and out spilled road construction contracts. signed off by the council sat on by his brother at the time, it just doesn’t sound like rural affairs were at the centre of his thoughts, more like Healy Rae affairs.

The Kerry TDs exit from hospital is set to be delayed by several hours, as the new road from the hospital to his front door has yet to be completed.