Gangland Feud Reaches Love/Hate Season 5 Levels

GARDAÍ have issued their most severe warning to the public as Dublin’s gangland feud shows no know signs of ceasing the kind of carnage and bloodshed witnessed on the streets in recent weeks.

“We’re officially at a level of ‘Love/Hate Season 5’,” confirmed Sergeant Desmond Murtagh to assembled media after yet another death.

“We don’t take this sort of thing lightly, we don’t want to go to Season 5 levels, but we’re here and everyone should remain vigilant because, well, we’ve got fuck all resources to do anything about it,” Sergeant Murtagh added.

An Garda Síochána began using Love/Hate warning system for the public in 2013 as a much more accessible way of detailing just how violent and unforgiving Ireland’s gangland crime can be.

“There was the lad who fell off the building thing, and then Nidge getting shot, the Ra is in there somewhere, and did something happen to Tommy? I can’t remember, either way Love/Hate level 5 it is.

“Anyone living in certain Dublin areas, you know the ones, stay indoors and don’t leave your homes for maybe a year or two by which point this should be ironed out,” Sergeant Murtagh concluded behind a backdrop of a number of prominent Love/Hate scenes.

Sergeant Murtagh also warned the public not to break out the DVD box set of the popular series as it now serves an eery documentary in which the funny bits just aren’t funny anymore.