Cat Just Going To Lick Its Arsehole For Another Few Minutes

A DUBLIN based cat is going to spend the next few minutes spread eagled on its owner’s sitting room floor licking its arsehole, WWN has learned.

Squiggy, a 3-year-old cat of some sort, is currently contorting its body in such a way as to place its tongue within licking distance of an orifice it normally defecates from and will proceed to intensely lick at it, pausing only to make awkward eye contact with its owner, Lydia Brophy.

“I try to pretend he doesn’t do it, and I know it sounds weird, but I think it’s a sort of power thing for him, to like, let me know, he’ll lick it whenever he wants,” a troubled Miss Brophy shared with WWN.

“And I know they groom themselves, but Squiggy’s been tonguing the life out of the one spot, his bumhole, for a good 15 minutes, he’s lording it over me now, it’s fucked up,” added Brophy who’s shooing noises have had little effect on Squiggy’s desire to lick away like a mad yoke.

While a common practice for cats, licking the arsehole of itself has proved confounding to leading catologists, who have been left with little choice but to trot out the same cliches in lieu of compelling research results.

“You’d have to just guess and say it’s because all cats are sick and twisted bastards,” ventured leading catologist Dr. Brendan Flynn.