Lovin Waterford: We Review Waterford’s First Dog Run Cafe

THIS latest slop joint really jazzed up my frontal fucking lobes. Stimulate, don’t hate, and if you do, well then, fuck you, you’re obviously not good enough for this fresh new movement of placing food in your facehole and saying ‘yum, I must Instagram this immediately’.

It’s not often I ejaculate immediately after entering a new hot spot or eatery, but I did just that earlier today when I graced a new innovative cafe with my presence.

Taking its lead (dog pun) from Dublin’s new puppy friendly cafe Pupp, Waterford’s Woof cafe has gone one step further in originality and opened up a dog run cafe. ‘Unzip, erect penis, ejaculate’; that could have been my 3 word review, but I feel a cafe that challenges our perceptions of how good of a chef a dog can make needs a little more.

All of Woof’s employees are former rescue dogs, and they are tasked with the cooking and serving, it is an experience unlike any other in the world. First off the important bit – I checked in at Woof on Facebook straight away, getting some Snapchat, Twitter, Periscope, Yik Yak, Whatsapp, Tinder and Instagram action in too.

It’s only fitting that Waterford, the Berlin of the southeast of Ireland, should take its cue from Dublin, the Berlin of western Europe, which took its initial cue from Berlin, which is the Berlin of Berlin. Berlin of course, has plenty of dogs, and that influence is seen here in Woof.

Now to only a small bit of criticism of my dining experience there:

The floor was covered in dog piss and shit, I wasn’t served by any of the 14 dogs I counted on the premises, and the kitchen was engulfed in flames resulting in severe injuries for myself, I started to suspect the cafe’s owner, a French bulldog named Geoff, might not have given any of his staff any formal training. A misplaced tennis ball also caused havoc and resulted in several of the staff fighting amongst themselves which was very unprofessional.

However, it was their opening day so we have to forgive a little, so Woof gets the highest Lovin Waterford rating of 5 Fucking Class Burritos out of 5.