WWN Horoscopes: Election Special!
aries
21 March – 20 April
If you’re not registered to vote by now, don’t worry; you can still bitch about whoever gets elected over the next five years.
taurus
21 April – 21 May
That guy that seems to be promising everything you want; lower taxes, scrap water charge, no student fees… he’s your man. Vote for him. Never mind how he’s going to accomplish any of it.
gemini
May 21 – June 20
You spend the day wandering past election candidates muttering loudly about “the state of the roads around here”.
cancer
June 21 – July 22
Ring your dad and ask who to vote for. His generation seems to have had a fair grip on these things over the years.
leo
July 23 – August 22
Be sure to vote for whoever is leading in the opinion polls. You don’t want to vote for someone who loses, do you? That’s not how this works!
virgo
August 23 – September 22
All this election lark has started to make you think that you’d like to have a go yourself! Prep for GE21 by doing literally nothing for 5 years ,then printing a load of posters. There’s nothing to it!
libra
September 23 – October 22
You’ve watched so many debates, it’s your default setting to yell CAN I JUST FINISH whenever someone asks you a question.
scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You were all prepared to give any politicians that landed at your door a good fucking off, but none came! Snapping!
sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Admit it. You’ll miss Joan.
capricorn
December 22 – January 19
At this point you’d abolish water charges just to cease the traffic in town on protest days.
aquarius
January 20 – February 18
It’s always weird going to your old school to vote. Try not to have too many panic attacks.
pisces
February 19 – March 20
Oh, you live on Achill Island, do you? Bet you think you’re great, getting to vote a day early. Prick.