Tabloids To Squeeze Out Another 12,000 Gangland Stories By The Weekend

THE Irish tabloid media are working around the clock to seek out enough material for over 12,000 articles on the recent murders related to a gangland feud, all before the end of the week, WWN has learned.

“It’s mayhem, the pressure we’re under to get these articles out there, I suppose it helps when we have licence to write any old thing, as long as it scares the living shite out of old people,” Dermot Fenlon, an Irish Sun journalist explained.

Openly delighted that the fresh loss of life has provided their journalists with a chance to pitch pun-laden headlines, publications such as the Irish Daily Mail, the Irish Mirror, the Irish Sun and the Sunday World have hired dedicated pun enthusiasts to help them perfect the headlines.

“It’s not easy after the first 700 articles on it that you do, I mean ‘A Fairview To A Kill’, is solid. That came from an Indian pun call centre we use; it references a bond movie, the location of a once living, breathing human being’s death and we can make a bit of a laugh out of it, it’s hilarious really,” explained one Sunday World journalist Fionn Curran, who recently published a ‘words that rhyme with Hutch’ article in an attempt to further cash in on the uptake in violence.

“Clutch, much, such and so on, look people are interested and we’re just giving them what they want. At least 4 people have got in touch to say ‘we didn’t know crutch rhymed with the name’, we’re not exploiting this at all, people need to be informed,” Curran explained.

More traditionally upmarket publications such as The Irish Times, The Sunday Business Post and The Sunday Times have taken a different approach by explaining the situation to their core readers who don’t live close enough to the areas affected to really be actively concerned about the goings on.