Fed-Up Dermot Bannon Takes Dump In Couple’s Kitchen

BOSSES at RTÉ have apologised to a county Meath couple this afternoon after Room To Improve presenter Dermot Bannon took a dump on their kitchen floor while filming the popular property programme.

Speaking from Montrose earlier, a spokesperson for the national broadcaster confirmed that Bannon was warned over the incident, which left the Holden family in shock after finding the 1.67 kilo weight of excrement on their newly decorated kitchen floor.

“It all started over a breakfast bar,” husband and part-time lover Declan Holden explained. “Dermot was really persistent on putting a clunky worktop in the centre of the whole kitchen, and we were having none of it.

“It got quite heated, so we left him in the house to cool off while we discussed the problem.”

However, upon returning to their almost completed home, they were greeted with the remnants of Dermot’s Thai green chicken curry from the night before.

“There was a hum off it now; would knock a horse,” wife Tracey told WWN. “Then we received a picture text from Dermot squatting over his mess, saying ‘I hope you like the present I got ye’.

Unavailable for comment, Mr. Bannon’s agent said his client was under a lot of stress lately, and put the whole incident down to the Holdens being a pair of fussy pricks who had very little intellect between them.