5 Signs A One Night Stand Might Not Be For You

THERE is almost an infinite number of reasons why a one night stand may be for you, but after some careful research there are very few reasons why for some, the one night stand just doesn’t fit. We here at WWN have helpfully listed them below:

1) You don’t like making breakfast. When you’re used to making breakfast for one, it can be a truly nerve wracking experience making breakfast for an additional person the morning after the night before. What if you hadn’t got the shopping in during the week? You use three eggs when making an omelette, will six eggs be enough for two? What if all you can offer is chocolate biscuit and the last bit of ketchup out of a bottle that now does the fart sound noise thingy as you squeeze it? Such social faux pas don’t bear thinking about.

2) You’re a stuck up frigid bitch who has to way up the pros and cons of the offer you just got from some lad who asked you to go down the back of Supermacs and let him ‘give it to you good’. Come on, with a face like that it might be a while until another offer comes along, plus he promised he wouldn’t Snapchat his friends while doing the dirty deed.

3) Terrible at directions. Whether you lay your head down on your pillow or the pillow of a stranger, the fact that you’re useless at directions can be a huge reason why one night stands may not be for you. “How do I get back to Maynooth from here?” You have no discernable knowledge of the bus or train routes that service the greater Maynooth area, so how you thought you’d be suited to one night stands is beyond us.

4) You’re not one of ‘the lads’. The lads are mad for no strings attached, supposedly emotionally empty one night stands. If a one night stand isn’t for you, then you’re obviously not one of the lads, because the lads love sex. They always go on about it at length, and you don’t so you must be a non-lad, and therefore unsuited to copulating with someone on a one off basis you soft prick.

5) You ‘don’t want to get a name for yourself’. Your parents named you, it’s on your birth cert, had the christening and all, the whole shebang. No need for someone else to be giving you a name at this stage, seems pointless.