ESTIMATES put the crowd at 200,000 strong for Michael Lowry’s annual parade through Thurles as he kick-started his reelection campaign on a gold throne.
“He’s just so lovely,” came the shouts from worryingly normal looking people in the crowd.
Cathedral Street was full of Lowry-mania, the phenomenon widely accepted by medical professionals to be the condition suffered by the majority of Tipperary North voters, meaning they suffer vivid delusions of Michael Lowry being an upstanding member of society.
“There’s a complete disconnect with reality,” Dr. Henry McNamara explained to WWN in Thurles last night, “the throne alone cost €4 million, and we’ve no idea who paid for that,” the doctor added, presumably ignoring Lowry’s previous explanation that a well meaning member of the public simply left it at his constituency office.
While Lowry is well known in his locality for shaking hands, getting a road built where previously there was no road at all, as well as securing the Griffin’s youngest with a job up in Dublin, elsewhere in the country, he is chiefly known for his role in the awarding of the Esat telephone licence to Denis O’Brien as well as myriad questionable tax affairs.
Lowry rounded off the evening by decamping from his throne to personally fix a pothole which had mysteriously been discovered earlier that day.
“All hail the mighty pothole cleanser,” came the chants from the crowd, who were dressed uniformly in fashions popular in the late 80s and early 90s, the heyday of political corruption in Ireland.
“You wouldn’t catch any other TD doing this, they’re all up in Dublin trying to make Irish society better, the jumped up corrupt eejits,” remarked one voter in the crowd who had ‘Lowry 4 Life’ tattooed across his chest.
Local polls place Lowry’s share of the vote at 167%.