‘Anti-Politician’ Bars Installed Outside Homes Across Ireland

THE implementation of “anti-politician” bars outside homes across the country has been welcomed by many as a small step in curbing the scourge of finding unwanted Dáil members at your door.

The idea to install the bars came after it emerged that council workers had erected “anti-homeless” barriers on ledges outside the offices of the Department of Social Protection in Dublin’s city centre.

Impressed with the bluntness of the Government’s attitude towards the most vulnerable members of society, people all over Ireland have tweaked the idea and used it to deter doorstep canvassers over the coming general election campaign.

Ranging from devices similar to large cattle grids, to sharp outward-facing metal spikes at shin level, canvassers are rendered unable to ring a doorbell or post pamphlets through the front door of a house.

“Here, we see a series of 18″ metal spikes at a 45 degree angle, situated about a metre from the door,” said Cathal Harris, an extremely busy anti-politician bar installer.

“So whoever lands at your door, say it’s a member of the current Government for example, perhaps someone who uses the Government offices where the anti-homeless bars are currently in use… say one of them lands at your door, well, they get an ankle-full of spike and off they go”.

In situations where people were not able to implement anti-politician spikes outside their homes, Harris suggested that the old-fashioned verbal method of forcefully telling politicians to leave your doorstep could be used as an alternative.